Today I was triggered by an old relationship pattern.
I was hurt and frustrated.
I found myself (once again) trying to get love, support and friendship from one source that is unwilling to give it to me freely. I, at the same time, was blocking all the other sources of love that were freely flowing to me.
I found myself in an old familiar pattern begging someone to love and support me who was unwilling to freely do so. While at the same time a complete stranger was dishing me love, support, praise, all publicly and freely without me ever requesting it.
I was blocking the good from this complete stranger because I was focused on getting my love from this other person who I have always wanted it from but could never fully get. How sad & how mad?
Some lessons when learned we can completely move on from without re-examining them. Some wounds are so deep, so powerful or have gone on for so long that we have to continually work at healing them. This old wound snuck back in this morning before I even realized it was happening.
For me, doing the work around releasing others to be as they are and not as I need them to be has been a great lesson in my life. I am now able to have relationships with some who I really couldn’t before. Before when I talked to them I was angry. Their lack of love and support made me angry. I was holding so much tension and anger!!! I was holding that person to an expectation where my needs would be met. All the while the other person didn’t care how I felt or what my needs were.
For me to walk around upset over the state of a relationship when the other party didn’t care how I felt or that their actions (or lack there of) were hurting me was irrational. Realizing that I hold the power to resolve these awful feelings was such a powerful gift.
How to Break Free From Toxic Relationships
Focusing on what this one person was holding back from me instead of looking towards all these beautiful people in my life who were sending me continual love and support was in essence myself restricting love.
Sometimes love and support doesn’t show up through the person you would most expect it from or who you desire it from. But realizing this is okay changes things. Either the person holding back the love from you is not capable at this time to love, is being manipulative on purpose or doesn’t know that you feel the way you do.
You can try and have an honest conversation with them. This might be the healing you need right there. Maybe it was in their blind spot and just bringing it up will shift things for you both.
Also be prepared in this situation for bringing it up and the person not caring, not saying sorry and still withholding love. This is what happened in my case. It was deeply painful.
This is when you have to do only what you can do. Work on you. Work on your reaction, your emotions around this person and take your power back.
If this happens to you silently bless this person and release them from the thoughts you hold them in. Bless them and pray to see things differently. To be released from the need to be loved by them in this specific way. Pray to have the cord that joins you to this hurtful relationship cut. Wish them well and wish yourself well. See both of you with the cord cut between you healthy and happy.
Going forward this person may try to drag you back into the toxic dance. This is where you will be different. You will work on yourself and fill yourself up with so much love and support that you will no longer need it from this person.
You will be full and overflowing with an abundance of love and support moving forward.
Filling yourself up so that you do not “need” anything from another frees you! And it frees them. It frees you to enjoy others more, to feel at peace, safe and supported without expectation of others. You can be fully present in all situations. You will be able to let those old chains of unhealthy patterns concerning relationships to others melt away.
If any of this relates to you and your experiences in some relationship I encourage you today to start looking at things from this different perspective. This is a powerful gift you can give yourself. You will feel lighter, safer and happier over all.
As always, I am sending you love and light.
Thank you for this great, very touching article. It fits my life perfectly right now, and I’m in the same boat as you. I’m close to making that shift in my own mindset, I’m mostly there, just a little ways to go 🙂
Hey Nina! Thank you so much.
Thank you – just when I need it <3
Thank you. I am sending you love.
Thank You, Amy! This was me for 20 years in a toxic Marriage. Your articles and site have helped so much. I hope you consider writing a book! I am slowly moving forward but it is hard especially when the ex tries to control and do ‘the dance’. I love your picture of your wrap flowing in the wind! Total freedom, huh? Thank You and David for the inspiration, information and support! Amy
I am sending you love. Thank you for the love.
I have been in the same situation. I have been in my situation for 20 years as well and he is now my ex-husband. It is a battle, but slowly but surely we will get through this.
Really great article. I loved your thoughts on this subject. There is always that “someone” (family, friend or whoever) that you expect to love you the way you love them but they just don’t care and what do you do about it?? What a great reminder that there ARE people who love us so much and we don’t need to focus on the negative. Thanks for this!
So great to hear you enjoyed the article. Thank you for the love!
I received this article awhile back, but just getting a chance to catch up on my emails. This article is soooo me. I can’t tell you how blessed I feel that you have shared this story with your readers and followers. Especially with the new year coming up, I was praying for something to motivate me to walk in freedom from the person whom I seek undying love and support from but have never gotten it. I’ve felt foolish at times and even angry at myself for keeping the hope of the “one day he’ll come around” day. I have shared my feelings with him, and he has been honest and said he can’t give me the love I seek from him. Now silly of me to still hold on, but my heart refuses to see anything else even when I try something new, so I have opened the door again to this person because he was my hearts desire. After reading this article, it gave me a new perspective and a new hope for progression towards a new road. I am going to practice the things you recommended, and I am hoping to succeed. I owe it to myself, because I truly deserve so much more than I have allowed myself to endure. Thank you for sharing and being so transparent.
I am sending you so much love and light for this new year!! I know this is going to be a wonderful year for you 🙂 Thank you for sharing with me!
I just read this! Living with a crazy aspire was killing me. Trying to let go and let God has been tough! Everyday as I move forward a part of me cries for that man. I still love him but I had to leave for my own sanity and health. Your article is helpful. I have to pray daily and find me again. Pray the pain of loss goes away and I heal. I cannot imagine not being with him but the toxic life was destroying me